I don't usually arrange sex via text message
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
