I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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