the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
