We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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