What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
