new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
