Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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