i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
