Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
