so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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