You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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