i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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