Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
