"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
