Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
