Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
