I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They have beer where we have blood.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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