i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
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I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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