This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
