i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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