I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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