..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize