well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
