You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
