My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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