The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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