your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
