worst night to have a conscience
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
