I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Randomize
