i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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