i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
