The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
