i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The adults are the big ones right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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