Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
