sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
