youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
