so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
