cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my poor anus
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
