I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
