Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
