I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
