my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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