then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
