Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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