I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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