you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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