Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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