She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
