she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
