So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
