i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
