Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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