If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
