it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
