I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
