Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...