you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
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aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate