so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?