remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
