She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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