eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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