im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
