can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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