Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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