You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
