We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
