to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
