My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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