Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
