how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
should my penis look like a turkey
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
